My Selfishness Hurts

Have you ever been so caught up in your own immediate life that you unintentionally hurt someone you really love, I mean really love, by your actions or your inaction? I'm pretty sure I do it more often than I realize. But, right now, is not one of those times where I don't realize it--because I keenly feel how much my inaction has hurt one of the greatest men I know.
Exact days do not usually mean anything to me. My birthday, my anniversary, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, and other celebrated days just aren't that important to me on the actual day. We can celebrate on another day, besides the actual day, and I am happy. Well, with that mentality, comes a lack of thinking that not everyone is like me in this. And well, they shouldn't be--I think days should mean more to me and I should think about others more.
You see, yesterday was Father's Day and I did not call my Daddy. I didn't send a card. I didn't get him a gift. I didn't do anything. Nothing.
I celebrated Scotty as a father on Saturday with breakfast and dinner. I didn't get him a card. I didn't get him a gift. But I made him a yummy breakfast and dinner. I did something.
Then Sunday came and I told Carter to wish Scotty a "Happy Father's Day." We went to church and listened about family relationships. We watched a video of fathers and their children. I cried. All the while, I was not thinking about my own daddy, but rather about me and Scotty raising our own kids and about Scotty being a good daddy and me being a good mama. I was only looking at the here and future. Not once did I look back, not once. This is so shameful to say. It breaks my heart that I did not think about my daddy.
One might suppose that I just do not have fond memories so I suppressed any thoughts of him. Oh, on the contrary. If you only knew my Daddy! My heart breaks as I put myself in his shoes: on the day set aside to honor, praise and remember our fathers, my child did and said nothing. How can I make that up to him? How can I convince him that he means more to me than any day could bring? That he is so special to me, even though on the day I should have remembered his greatness, I didn't? How will he ever believe what I am about to say? I don't know. I just hope that he has grace to extend towards me, his selfish daughter, to know that I love him dearly and I treasure him.
So, let me tell you about my daddy...
He is a man who always wants to provide. He works hard, long hours to do his job well. He is not afraid of sweating and getting dirty. He has sacrificed more than most people. He had an incredibly difficult upbringing and yet, he raised us so differently than his own life. He does not complain. He never stops trying to fix things and make things right. He knows his short-comings and yields them to God daily. He is an amazing story-teller. He is as committed to the Word of God as any man I know. Every morning growing up (ok, almost every morning), I know he was up in his special place meeting with God (I could see the lamp on in the darkness), whether that be the dining room table, the living room, the wing-backed chair or on occasion the front porch. His Bible was a worn, tattered, leather-cracking brown one, not because he didn't take care of it, but because he couldn't put it down. He is an absolute doer--and we have needed that so much in our life. He can do anything handy--electrical, building, plumbing, landscaping, roofing, gadget fixing--everything. We NEVER called anyone to come fix things (except maybe the a/c), Daddy always did it. He is rational. He is logical. He has good eye-hand coordination. He is a planner. He is organized. He is on top of life. He has taught me so much: He taught me how to throw a baseball...hard. And catch a baseball...even harder. I learned to love science from him. He taught me to trust God, even when life is tough. He taught me that family is always worth fighting for. He taught me that a life of holiness is always worth pursuing, even when we fail over and over again. He taught me that God can take something bad and make it into something good. He showed me how a man should love his wife and constantly pursue her. He taught me how to swing a hammer, use a circular saw, and raise walls. He taught me the difference between the three wires in an electrical cord. He walked me through changing a four-pronged plug to a three-pronged plug on a dryer. He taught me how to feel for people and be compassionate to their needs and feelings. He is such a feeler.
And to this amazing feeler, I have hurt, by not honoring him on the day set aside for him. But, I want the people in my world to know, that my Daddy is a man after God's own heart. He desires Truth in his inmost being! He should be honored above all fathers, not because he didn't fail, because he did at times. But rather, he should be honored because he never gave up on me and us, his kids. His love reminds me of a greater love--the love of my heavenly Father.
I am heartbroken again now to think of how many Sabbaths (days set aside for God) have I not taken the time to honor God, my Father. How He must feel a bit like my daddy felt yesterday--"it's my day, why didn't anyone call?" It's not because we don't care or we don't love you--it's because we are too busy and too selfish. I am so sorry, Daddy. I did not mean to hurt you. I confess my selfishness and am pleading with God to strengthen me to look beyond myself every day so that I do not unintentionally hurt people and so that I do not hurt Him either. In a way, I am glad I forgot, only because it is making me more aware of how what I do impacts other people. So many times, I just brazenly do what I do with no consideration of others because I am so determined and set in what I think and believe. But this is not of God. I can only imagine the number of other people whom I have hurt because of my selfishness. I am truly sorry.
So Happy Father's Day, Daddy, one day late. But know, no day can hold the honor that I have for you. And know, I will never forget you on Father's Day again. You have molded me into who I am and I am grateful. May my selfishness decrease, so that God's abundant love and compassion can increase!