The Painful Best That Is To Come

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us: we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."

You know as the calendar year ends, I reflect over the past year and years. I love remembering. As different people post different comments, saluting 2010 or biding it adieu in anticipation of the year to come, I had a thought. Some view 2010 as the best year of their lives. Others hope 2011 will be the best year of their life. And still others, think the best year of their life happened a long, long time ago. I wonder where I am at in the core of my being, because I know where I want to be in my head and heart.

My favorite year of life in my head was probably when I was 17: finished high school, started college, lived amongst amazing people, realized the extent of my sinfulness, and just lived life to the fullest while studying something I loved. In retrospect, life was simple. Hard at times. Yet simple.

The worst year of my life in my head was my senior year in college. After moving off campus, away from the people I had spent the last three years with, I plummeted into moderate depression, as I realized that I was a giver in my friendships and I didn't have many giving friends once I stopped putting forth the effort. It has taken the last 7 years to work through some of the repercussions of that year. My heart had been hardened to intimate friendships because of a perceived lack of care from those around me and therefore, my efforts to maintain or deepen friendships became almost non-existent. For that, I apologize to those who have felt my lack of care over the past years; my God continually redeems me from my independent apathy towards friends.

But as I read something that a friend of mine wrote, "2011 is going to be the best year of my life," I wondered if I was reading it correctly. I think I have since realized that I did not read it correctly at first, but off of that first impression comes my thoughts. My first thought was, "How sad, what do you have to look forward to after this coming year, if you think this will be the best year of your life?" Now, what I think she was saying is that she is expecting this next year to be the best year of her life up until this point. And then she will look forward to the next one too. My incorrect interpretation of her statement at first though led me to wonder, how many people are living in the past or way too far in the future, that they are missing out on the very best that God has for them now.

This in turn has led me to the quote at the beginning of this post.

What is God's best? And what is it going to take to have His best?

As a woman, I have hit all the major, "I can't wait until..." moments. You know, the times in life as a little girl when you say you can't wait until you grow up, you get married, you have a child and become a mama. I've done all those things. What else do I have to look forward to now? Seriously, what is the next step in life that I want to come so fast like I did for marriage and children? There isn't one. I do not look so far ahead with such yearning anymore. I do not think, "Oh, I can't wait until my kids are grown and gone," or "I can't wait to be a grandmother." Nope. The much anticipated steps in life have passed me by. I will still hit other milestones, the birth of our second child in March, and then our subsequent children, the beginning of the redemptive process with our children, our first house, job changes, possible moves, etc. But none of those hold the anticipation of my earlier years. And you know what? I am good with that. Do you know why? It is because I believe that God has me here and now for a reason. The days to come will come, but today will be gone in 11 hours. If I dwell too much on the past or look too far ahead, I am going to miss what God has for me on this day, December 31st in the year 2010. I don't want to miss life.

But, this does lead back into living like God's best for us is yet to come. I love the above quote, because I think there are times that I just blatantly trust God and yet I still know that His ways and means to reach His best are not the same as I would use. I've experienced lots of pain and lots of joy in this life so far. I read about the lives of other people, I watch the lives of those around me, I look at history and I look at His Story and realize that God's best generally involves pain. So is this next year going to be the best year of my life so far? And does that mean it's going to be painful? I believe the answer to both is a resounding "yes!"

From what I have gathered, C.S. Lewis wrote this quote in a letter to a dear friend of his whose wife was dying. I think soon before Lewis' own wife had died. The full quote is this,

"Indeed, indeed we both will. I don't see how any degree of faith can exclude the dismay, since Christ's faith did not save Him from dismay in Gethsemane. We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us: we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."

My interpretation of the first line is that Lewis is certain that both he and his friend would make it through this hard time still believing God, "indeed, we both will." And then he draws from the truth of Yeshua's life, even as the Author and Perfecter of faith, Yeshua was not exempt from a dreadfully painful life and death! If the faith of all faiths led to God's best through pain, then why would my little mustard seed faith not also lead to God's best through pain? And therefore, I expect this coming year to be God's best. Some of that I'm convinced will be full of joy and pleasure. But there are times, I do wonder, how painful God's best is going to be? It scares me a little; but just a little, because I fully believe that life with God is far more enjoyable and satisfying than life without Him. And I look forward to the upcoming years with those of you who are around me now, because I cannot do life without you! I don't even want to try. Happy New Year!

Patterson Update December 2010

My thoughts and then ministry

The question was posed to me the other day, “Why do we share the good news of Jesus (Yeshua) with other people?” Is it because we do not want them to go to hell? Is it because we really care about people? Is it because we are told to tell? As I pondered that question, I came to an answer for me--life is so much more satisfying living in relationship with God. Yeshua said once, “I have come that they may have life and life to the fullest.” Yeshua was all about the kingdom of God coming now, so there has to be reason now for sharing His good news.

As an aside, you may wonder why I am using the name ‘Yeshua’ for Jesus. It’s not because we’ve converted to a strange or new sect of Christianity. Quite the contrary, I have a desire to return to how God initially intended life to be. With that has come study into history; and I have found that Jesus was actually called Yeshua by His mother. Names have always been important to me, probably, even more so since having a child. In any other language, I would want Carter Bane to be called Carter Bane--that’s what we named him. So I resort to the name of our Saviour that His mother called Him--Yeshua.

Back on track...why do we share the good news? Because my life is so much better than those who do not know God. Now, I did not say that life is easier knowing God. Because I don’t think that it is. How many days do I wish I could just do everything that I wanted to do? Wouldn’t it be nice just to act and not think if what I was doing was the best or right or wrong? Or, how easy would it be if I never questioned if I was missing out on something that God had for me? So easier with God, no. Better with God, you bet, no question.

Where else do you find absolute, unconditional love except in the arms of God? Where else can you learn the best way to live outside of God’s teachings? Where else can you turn when life is throwing everything at you yet find someone big enough to take care of it all and yet small enough to hear your whispered cry except the Rock of our Salvation? Life with God isn’t easier; it’s just better.

And so begins the introduction to the past six months in the Patterson family.

Haiti and missionaries

Well, I joined Operation Mobilisation in March of this year. And can I tell you how much I love being involved in international missions. Why? Because sometimes, when we are just living in our own small community we do not hear amazing stories of God working. We only hear from the people around us, who we come into contact with each day. But being involved in the world and with so many people, means lots of stories about God’s faithfulness and hand!

For example, in Haiti, God has opened up the doors for us (OM, through the local church and local Christian organisations) to help on an economical level through small businesses. Several chicken houses are being built for orphanages and communities so that they will have eggs, as well as a small income. Another group has formed for women to help them start small businesses.

We have also trained 20 people how to bind books for a job and orders are coming in. A cyber cafe should open soon in a community where there is minimal electricity and no internet to allow access for school-age children to complete their school work, as well as to provide a place of employment for local people. Each of these business ventures are being led by a Christian group. In order for Haiti to be restored, we must start on an economical level with our help. Even still, OM runs the Jesus film weekly and relationships are continually being built between our team and the local Haitians.

In August, we sent out three more missionaries from the Caribbean. Two are on the OM ship and the other one is in South Africa. We hope to send several more in January. They are raising support right now. If I thought it was hard for Americans to raise funds to go into missions, it is triply hard in the Caribbean where funds are not quite as available throughout the population and many people have no concept of faith support! Please pray that through meetings, these soon-to-be missionaries will raise all the support they need to leave in the next month or so!

We will host another conference for Christians throughout the Caribbean interested in missions in February in Jamaica. Please also pray that many will come and then go!

Work life

So, you may wonder, how can I help with the Caribbean field when I live in Florida? Well, let me give you breakdown of what I do on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. OM’s role in the Caribbean is to motivate Christians to go into international missions. There are lots of believers in the Caribbean and many just don’t know that they can help people all over the world see the love of God for them. Our job is to help them see how they can help. There are two ways that I help make that happen. First: I create/design/publish an OM Caribbean newsletter 3-4 times a year. In it there are stories of what God is doing around the world, stories of Caribbean believers helping people all over the world, opportunities for them to serve and prayer points. So I get lots of newsletters, emails and updates from many of the 115+ countries that OM works in, as well as from other organizations too. I have to sift through those and pull out stories and then write other ones to fill the newsletter. Along with the publication part of my job, I have created a couple of pieces of literature explaining who OM is and what we do. If you ever want to see what I do, just email me and I will send you a pdf or mail you a copy of the publications.

I’ve been working on OM Caribbean’s website with a guy from OM USA and I hope to roll that out after the first of the year. Once that is up, then you can access a good bit of my work on there and learn more about OM for yourself.

The other way that I help motivate Caribbean Christians into world missions is through prayer strategies. We really think that if people start praying for other parts of the world, then more people will eventually go into missions. Every other week, I send out a Caribbean Wave prayer sheet, highlighting current needs and issues from around the world and the Caribbean. Each of our staff are working on a prayer network of 100 people each; therefore, the hope is when I send a Wave, then they each send it to 100 people who in turn could send it on. No matter what, we know that at least 800 people are praying for the same things at the same time.

We just finished a week of prayer for the country of Oman in the Arab Peninsula. There are no known national believers in the country, though it is thought there are a handful. Please pray with me that God will do something amazing in Oman over the next four months! I can’t say much more, but God is moving and opening doors in that country!

Now, my last official role involves overseeing Member Care, which is pretty much an HR position. We have 8 OM Caribbean staff and 11 Caribbean missionaries overseas right now. Each of them need to be “looked after.” We want to take care of our people, not just use them. So, I, along with two other women communicate regularly with our missionaries overseas, and I check in on our staff regularly. We want them to have the support they need to do their job and live life to the fullest. So whatever I can do to make that happen, I do.

Now, I say that Member Care is my last official role, but there is so much more that I do. I am the gofer, IT solution finder, info retriever, filler in of about everything else when needed within OM Caribbean. And I love it! Seriously, if any one of our staff needs info or publications or anything, I am the go-to person. It’s fun, but non-stop. Currently, I am in search of a video on cholera prevention for use in Haiti.

So, this is my work life which takes up a lot of time, and it is hard working from home sometimes with a toddler, but so worth it! I love being involved in what God is doing and in a “new” ministry in the Caribbean!

Our personal lives

in the midst of ministry

In May, I injured my left leg playing flag football, which led to immediate surgery. I had torn my meniscus and it lodged in my knee, locking it into place--incredibly painful! After surgery though, my knee has been great.

Scotty decided to copy me in July; while playing basketball he successfully tore his meniscus, which led to his surgery on July 7th--our anniversary. Happy anniversary! His recovery took a little longer, and he still has some trouble with his knee. Maybe he should have the entire meniscus removed. Please pray for wisdom there.

We found out later in July that we were expecting our second child! Yippee! Yes, “planned.” So as of today, I am 24 weeks (5 months) and our projected due date is March 21st--the first day of Spring. What a great time to give birth. The baby should arrive about a week before Carter’s 2nd birthday; it will be a great age difference, I think and hope. We are not going to find out if it’s a boy or a girl--so we will have a surprise again!

We spent a week with my immediate family (parents, sister & her family, brother & his family) in North Carolina during the first week of August. We had such a wonderful time! I have to say, I have the best family in the world.

We also were able to take a short trip up to Georgia for a long weekend in October and saw some of my extended family for the first time in a long time. My grandparents (daddy’s parents) were there too, neither of whom have been in good health. Just over two weeks later, my Pawpaw died. Precious time with family. And I’m so grateful for a great family photo too.

Almost five weeks ago, while going down a slide, Carter broke his tibia--whew, I thought life was interesting enough. Guess not. My impatience with him has poured out as he has become more of a “Mama’s boy;” I do not like it at all. I need more prayers to be gracious with him and not lose it with him when we both are frustrated.

We just got home three Sundays ago from another week with my family, this time in Georgia for Thanksgiving. I am reminded of how hard familial relationships can be and therefore, I am all the more grateful that all of my immediate family are loving God and really doing well AND that they are all so likeable! I do not say this loosely, but we are blessed and God has been gracious; we do not deserve His kindness to our family.

We will spend Christmas here at home, which will be a first for us. I’m actually looking forward to it--I’m really in a mood for establishing some traditions and I feel like it will be easier to start them at home and then carry them with us.

Christmas memories

I have two favorite Christmas traditions--one has faded, but it’s not gone, and the other one is having to be altered as time goes on. The first one started so long ago that I do not remember Christmas without it. We used to write letters to Jesus and read them aloud on Christmas morning. At some point we stopped reading them, but I never stopped writing them. It is one of the most special things ever. Yes, it takes a lot of vulnerability to write an honest letter to our Saviour and Friend and read it in front of those we love, but there is nothing more connecting than hearing from the depth of a person’s soul as they communicate via written words to the One who knows them best!

The other tradition is Waffle House on Christmas night. Austin, my younger brother, and I started going to Waffle House late Christmas night about 12 years ago. Several of our very close friends have joined us throughout the years--times I treasure. Last year I went without Austin, as will I this year, but we will continue the tradition here in Orlando. Traditions are great because they make us remember.

The other morning I grabbed my “Jacksonville” Starbucks mug to have my hot tea in and all I could think of was the word “Remember.” For me, Jacksonville will always be the place that Scotty and I committed our lives to each other there on the beach with 32 of our dearest and best. We need to remember from where we have come from; we need to remember from the depths that we have fallen and God has lifted us up; we need to remember the greatness of God from our parents; we need to remember God moving in the past. We remember so that we can focus on the future and trust in a God who has always been faithful!

Scotty and I are wrestling through how to live life in this crazy and busy American culture. We are so disconnected with people because of our lifestyles that it is hard to do life together. I wish there was an easy answer to community living in today’s world. We live so far from each other, with doors closed most of the time, that we remain isolated. The physical isolation leads to emotional and spiritual isolation. I am becoming more and more convinced that we were not intended to do life as we do it, but rather that we should be doing more together with other believers, in front of the rest of the world so that they see the love that we have among us.

Challenging hope

So as we go into celebrating Yeshua and all that God has done for us, may we all take time to remember. Remember. When the Israelites crossed the Jordan, God had them build a memorial of stones so that they would always remember. May you take stones with you along the way of life so that you always remember the hand of God at work in your life! Because sometimes, we can’t see God moving right now, and we need those stones of remembrance.

Thank you for all that you do and all that you are! Each of you is critical, not just in my life and ministry, but also in the lives of those around you. I know that I am not near many of you, but I am convinced that God has us all over so that we can have maximum impact over a larger number of people! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

With much love and gratefulness,

Shellie Patterson